Comments on: seething http://www.petiteanglaise.com/2008/07/02/seething/ Thu, 04 Mar 2010 00:20:08 +0200 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Wendy Juniper http://www.petiteanglaise.com/2008/07/02/seething/#comment-29704 Wendy Juniper Mon, 11 Aug 2008 13:59:41 +0000 http://www.petiteanglaise.com/?p=1038#comment-29704 Just discovered your website Petite, and read this post. SO many bells rang true for me. This sounds EXACTLY like what I go through with my partner. We have weeks, sometimes months of blissful happiness, and then an all out war. I used to drag things up from the past, and he was the one that projects into the future. I've stopped doing that, well except the odd occasion when emotion takes over rationality. Sometimes I just don't get why 'he's doing it again' - being selfish that is, when he knows how much it incenses me. Thoughtless. Maybe over minor things, but each time I feel more and more sensitised to it. He doesn't see he's doing much wrong, gets defensive, makes excuses and says some quite hurtful things. A few days later he seems to understand and says words which let me know he 'gets it, only to do it again a while later when all has been forgotton. This is who he is. There's no changing the man and i'm coming to accept that it doesn't mean he doesn't love me, he's just got a little laddishness in there that sometimes pops up. I compare what I would do and feel that becasue he doesn;t think the same way, how can he love me totally? But not everyone is the same of course. If i'm honest, I really don't see why it's so hard to 'get' but it obviously is for him. I guess at some stage we have to accept the other for who they are. I'm not blamesless either, and iunderstand him, because I have been him in the past, it's just i'm not that way anymore. It reassures me that there is no 'perfect relationship' though, and from reading what you wrote, and the comments on this board, it helps me to know that others go through the same thing. It's hard to decipher how bad something is sometimes, when some of your froends tell you he's being awful and I should end it, others tell me to calm down and a third set take the view of 'no one knows what goes on except you two, take the rough with the smooth'. Just discovered your website Petite, and read this post. SO many bells rang true for me. This sounds EXACTLY like what I go through with my partner. We have weeks, sometimes months of blissful happiness, and then an all out war. I used to drag things up from the past, and he was the one that projects into the future. I’ve stopped doing that, well except the odd occasion when emotion takes over rationality. Sometimes I just don’t get why ‘he’s doing it again’ – being selfish that is, when he knows how much it incenses me. Thoughtless. Maybe over minor things, but each time I feel more and more sensitised to it. He doesn’t see he’s doing much wrong, gets defensive, makes excuses and says some quite hurtful things. A few days later he seems to understand and says words which let me know he ‘gets it, only to do it again a while later when all has been forgotton. This is who he is. There’s no changing the man and i’m coming to accept that it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me, he’s just got a little laddishness in there that sometimes pops up. I compare what I would do and feel that becasue he doesn;t think the same way, how can he love me totally? But not everyone is the same of course. If i’m honest, I really don’t see why it’s so hard to ‘get’ but it obviously is for him. I guess at some stage we have to accept the other for who they are. I’m not blamesless either, and iunderstand him, because I have been him in the past, it’s just i’m not that way anymore.

It reassures me that there is no ‘perfect relationship’ though, and from reading what you wrote, and the comments on this board, it helps me to know that others go through the same thing.

It’s hard to decipher how bad something is sometimes, when some of your froends tell you he’s being awful and I should end it, others tell me to calm down and a third set take the view of ‘no one knows what goes on except you two, take the rough with the smooth’.

]]> By: chris goodhead http://www.petiteanglaise.com/2008/07/02/seething/#comment-29638 chris goodhead Sun, 03 Aug 2008 21:35:30 +0000 http://www.petiteanglaise.com/?p=1038#comment-29638 "Never let the sun set on your wrath," was the advice given to me by my Dad on my wedding day. It always runs through my head in those situations where you're sitting it out in the dark, waiting for your other half to apologise. If it looks like enough time has passed and she ain't gonna budge then I'll swallow my pride and commence verbal reparations. On my wedding day, Dad might also have added "Set your alarm for 3.37 in the morning because the fire alarm in the hotel you're staying in is going off at 3.38 and it will give you a chance to at least get something to cover your lower half before you have to dash out into the car park." Nevertheless, the former advice has proved more valuable long-term. “Never let the sun set on your wrath,” was the advice given to me by my Dad on my wedding day. It always runs through my head in those situations where you’re sitting it out in the dark, waiting for your other half to apologise. If it looks like enough time has passed and she ain’t gonna budge then I’ll swallow my pride and commence verbal reparations.

On my wedding day, Dad might also have added “Set your alarm for 3.37 in the morning because the fire alarm in the hotel you’re staying in is going off at 3.38 and it will give you a chance to at least get something to cover your lower half before you have to dash out into the car park.”

Nevertheless, the former advice has proved more valuable long-term.

]]> By: Tarte Tartan http://www.petiteanglaise.com/2008/07/02/seething/#comment-29629 Tarte Tartan Thu, 31 Jul 2008 23:57:23 +0000 http://www.petiteanglaise.com/?p=1038#comment-29629 So much for a bit of ‘light reading’ before going to bed - feels like I have just walked in on a food fight! Not one to get egg on my face, or in my hair (it’s hell to wash out, especially with hot water – think scrambled egg), I am not going to say anything too controversial. A bold post...yes. Would we expect anything less...no. And that's why we keep coming back for more. So much for a bit of ‘light reading’ before going to bed – feels like I have just walked in on a food fight! Not one to get egg on my face, or in my hair (it’s hell to wash out, especially with hot water – think scrambled egg), I am not going to say anything too controversial. A bold post…yes. Would we expect anything less…no. And that’s why we keep coming back for more.

]]> By: Timothy http://www.petiteanglaise.com/2008/07/02/seething/#comment-29535 Timothy Sat, 19 Jul 2008 17:53:34 +0000 http://www.petiteanglaise.com/?p=1038#comment-29535 Sharing your hopes is quite brave; sharing your fears and doubts is braver still (or is it "more brave"? Hmmmm.). But I digress... I hate fighting, but I realize it is a part of any relationship. I think the key is to make a fight productive, to foster communication, to bring about change, to learn from it. And while I am loathe to recommend anything of "self-help" nature, I have found Rabbi Schmuley Boteach's "Eight Rules of Fighting Fairly" to be very insightful; in this case, #7 is right on the money. I wish you and your new husband all the best. May you love each other more today than you did yesterday. May you love each other more tomorrow than you do today. Sharing your hopes is quite brave; sharing your fears and doubts is braver still (or is it “more brave”? Hmmmm.). But I digress… I hate fighting, but I realize it is a part of any relationship. I think the key is to make a fight productive, to foster communication, to bring about change, to learn from it. And while I am loathe to recommend anything of “self-help” nature, I have found Rabbi Schmuley Boteach’s “Eight Rules of Fighting Fairly” to be very insightful; in this case, #7 is right on the money. I wish you and your new husband all the best.

May you love each other more today than you did yesterday. May you love each other more tomorrow than you do today.

]]> By: Me2 http://www.petiteanglaise.com/2008/07/02/seething/#comment-29520 Me2 Fri, 18 Jul 2008 01:09:50 +0000 http://www.petiteanglaise.com/?p=1038#comment-29520 Two people brought up in different cultures - used to being independant and making their own decisions - get married - do you really expect everything to be sunshine and roses? I would be worried if they didn't have issues - no-one's perfect. You can love someone and still not like them sometimes. Sounds like a perfectly normal relationship to me. Two people brought up in different cultures – used to being independant and making their own decisions – get married – do you really expect everything to be sunshine and roses? I would be worried if they didn’t have issues – no-one’s perfect. You can love someone and still not like them sometimes.

Sounds like a perfectly normal relationship to me.

]]>