Comments on: bad mummy?

By: daisy

daisy — Thu, 28 Oct 2004 12:30:26 +0000

I have never felt guilty about leaving my son with someone else while I went to work. Maybe that’s because my mother always worked, and so did her mother before her. Only some months ago I realised that for some people it would be a psychologycal problem to leave their children with a childminder!!! I believe that it’s pretty much a matter of cultural environment: if you have always lived in a place where all parents work, it doesn’t even cross your mind to stop working when you have a child, at least not for more than the paid matternity/paternity leave…

As a child, I never even missed my parents throughout the day - they were at their work, I was at mine… Now as a mother, i think that’s it’s great for the kids that they spend time with other children, even when they’re still babies, and I will not feel guilty at all when I have my next baby and leave him/her in a chréche. My mother wasn’t wrong (I’m a very happy person), and so, I can’t be wrong either.

By: PPQ

PPQ — Thu, 28 Oct 2004 09:46:51 +0000

Hey the way I see it, at least you won’t resent the little nipper because you gave up everything. So the Tadpole will be happy cos you’ll be a better mum for it.

Soudns like a winner of a plan!

By: petite

petite — Thu, 28 Oct 2004 09:39:49 +0000

Chameleon - well, what an articulate response! My comments are putting my posts to shame.

I even had to look up inchoate in my dictionary (a French/English one is all I had to hand but it does help).

By: Chameleon

Chameleon — Thu, 28 Oct 2004 08:30:08 +0000

As a sociologist (and feminist), I would argue that the feelings of guilt are in part due to stereotypes/archetypes of good motherhood. There is a discrepancy between the ideal of an aproned stay-at-home whose sole sense of purpose in life derives from servicing the (bawled and incessant) needs of her offspring and the bitter financial necessity of working to provide a decent lifestyle for the family unit in a secularised, consumerist environment. Social attitudes lag behind social developments, working mothers being no exception. Too often, working mothers are portrayed as selfish careerists, indeed, in general, women continue to be discouraged from putting themselves first - self-fulfillment routinely sacrificed. I can assure you, however, based on my personal experience of being a single mother working long hours full time for the first seven years of my son’s life, that you will be a better mother as a result of pursuing your career, as frustrations will not build up. Remunerated employment continues to be a source of self-esteem as well as independence in spite of high levels of unemployment and the chronic state of misery of benefit-dependent families (the “spectre of the underclass” constantly lurks at the back of our minds, reminding us that there is no real alternative to wage slavery).
I too suffer the occasional inchoate pang of guilt, by the way - it goes with the territory.

By: mraparis

mraparis — Thu, 28 Oct 2004 07:30:21 +0000

As a stay-at-home mom in Paris, I must say I’ve enjoyed it more than I thought I would. I was a working mom in the US and never thought I’d stay at home. Then my husband got a job in France and I can’t work without papers. I think all mothers feel guilty or defensive for their choices — both stay at home and working moms. Some days I do lose my mind watching the kids. It’s particularly difficult now during the 10 day Toussaint holiday when both are home and all their French friends have gone to their country homes.