Comments on: acting like a mother

By: Kathy

Kathy — Sun, 23 Jan 2005 19:20:08 +0000

Very honest post. I have felt many of these things myself, and I have put my little one to bed without reading a story, have let her watch too much tv (but NEVER Teletubbies! They scare me!), and then I remember that I need to sit on the floor and be with her more. I have done the whole downsizing thing, quit my full time job, etc, and now owe a bit of money. But life is easier and my husband and I spend so much more time with them. It’s hard to find a balance, and while we have our troubles learning how to mother, our partners need to learn to father. Mine is doing so much better the second time around, more relaxed and all. Good luck!

By: Fidget

Fidget — Sun, 23 Jan 2005 04:50:57 +0000

It is so much easier to be the mommmy I want to be when people are watching. I am much less inclined to easily lose my patience and more willing to put up with my kids oddities that drive me nuts. I think that when we are alone i have those golden moments when the core of the parent I want to be shines through but many a hour goes by where I am too busy, or too trapped feeling to take a step back and handle things in the manner I want. I appreciate your honesty in the post, it makes me look at myself and how far i’ve come back from the brink. I fight to be the mommmy i want to be with the demons inside my head

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Sun, 23 Jan 2005 04:18:07 +0000

Tadpole will always love you best because you are Mama—and nothing changes that –though heaven knows at times I’ve wished my girls didn’t feel that way.

As for the caregiver, thank your lucky stars if she decides to help you potty train Tadpole–my daughters pre-school teacher helped them and as a result the process was (relatively) painless–it always seems to help when someone else gets involved with doing it, because they play control games with the person they KNOW loves them best–and that’s you!

Hang in there–you’re doing fine!

By: Waterhot

Waterhot — Fri, 21 Jan 2005 20:46:19 +0000

I think Ria hit the nail on the head with her first comment - contemporary culture encourages us to become totally self-absorbed about such things. I have blogged more than once about how bewildering I find conversations in which parenting (just that word gets my hackles up) is talked about as if it were a job or a skill. It really is all about loving and following your instincts.

My son’s mother and I split up several years ago, and I can say that I am sure that the moments when I have been the best father - from my son’s point of view, which, after all, is all that really counts - have been since then, when we have spent time together alone, just the two of us, precisely because those are the times when I am just myself.

I think you just need to trust in yourself. Nothing I have read here over the last few months suggests that you are anything other than a wonderful loving mother. As for the looming miracle of speech, you really shouldn’t worry - on the contrary, you’ll find that it only increases the sense of complicity you and the tadpole feel, because you’ll be able to share so much more.

By: Ruth

Ruth — Fri, 21 Jan 2005 19:50:50 +0000

I think most honest parents would admit that small children, especially before they can really talk with you, can be extremely boring. That minute-to-minute, all-the-time care - come on - admit it! One reason for having a second child is often in part, to provide companionship for the first.
Incidentally, one child I know who was parked in front of GMTV every morning while he ate breakfast with his father (this was the ’80s), grew up to be a polymath. I disapproved at the time, but that was before I became a mother myself…