petite anglaise

daydreaming

25.08.2005 11:34 ammills & boon

I should, by rights, be feeling blue.

My Lover is wending his way back to Rennes, as I write, after an idyllic month spent together, pretty much joined at the hip. The sky is the disappointing grey of a favourite t-shirt which has been accidentally washed with something black. As I write, a fine rain begins to fall, covering the window in tiny droplets. The kind colleague who usually provides buttery brioche on Thursday mornings is on holiday; my tummy growls in protest.

I feel good. Regardless. Images from the last three months dance in my head, keeping the demons at bay.

In my mind’s eye, I see myself knocking at a door, leaning my hot, flushed cheek against the smooth wall of the hotel corridor, heart pounding, barely able to draw breath as I wait for him to open it.

I see us kissing in the metro, and remember my wistful feelings when once I wrote about other people doing the same.

I feel the knots in my stomach as my TGV train hurtles towards Rennes for my first visit. Is it really possible for two hours to crawl by so excruciatingly slowly?

The tappety tap of his fingers on the laptop keyboard echo in my head as I drift in and out of sleep, half dreaming, half aware of my surroundings. Opening my eyes, I spy a cup of tea steaming on the bedside table, and smile.

Reaching the end of a chapter, I raise my eyes from my book and give him a surreptitious, sideways glance as I take a sip from my wine. He looks up, sensing my stare. Why is it that the longest, darkest eyelashes are always wasted on men?

Tadpole is shrieking with excitement as he swings her high into the air and onto his shoulders. Daddy is, and will always be, irreplacable, but I am relieved and cautiously optimistic at how well she seems to be getting on with the new man in our lives.

I daydream about our future. I see myself putting down my paintbrush momentarily, in the house we are renovating, so I can grope his bottom through his overalls. Or taking his hand and pressing it firmly to my belly. I test the sound of his surname with my christian name and like what I hear.

So many tantalising possibilities.

40 comments

  1. The perfect antidote to a grey day in Paris…

    Iain | 12:45 pm

  2. Just reading that post made be grin so much that my co-workers started noticing and asking me who I was daydreaming about… Oh petite, I don’t need to daydream, just reading your post makes me smile at all the possibilities, I’m so happy for you!!

    I agree with you regarding the eyelash situation, but then again, considering how much time we stare wistfully at them, I wouldnt say that they were completely wasted…

    jenn | 12:46 pm

  3. That post was beautiful!

    I wish you all the best!

    Kasey | 12:53 pm

  4. at last..! spell the word: marriage!

    hera | 12:59 pm

  5. Aaaah, dreaming of wedding bells when a relationship is only a few months old. Classic female affliction.

    stressqueen | 1:58 pm

  6. My goodness you are far gone.

    Cuccu | 2:09 pm

  7. A female affliction? I think you’ll find the words marriage and baby were mentioned after only a matter of days. And not necessarily/only by me.

    So there.

    petite | 2:35 pm

  8. Crikey, what kind of fella is this?

    Apart from one who’d look good in overalls, obviously. That’s enough of an advantage already to make the rest of us envious.

    hobbes | 2:57 pm

  9. Aaah, I’m enjoying your life almost as much as you are!

    Antipo Déesse | 2:59 pm

  10. Well…Is it that it’s grey outside or is it all the steam from that post has fogged up the windows?

    Mica | 3:28 pm

  11. sounds sad

    adrian | 3:47 pm

  12. Magic!

    Parkin Pig | 3:51 pm

  13. So romantic, so full of promise. Good for you Petite, all sounds gorgeous.

    Anne | 3:57 pm

  14. In your “about” section, you might want to say that you’re horribly in love with a man who’s gropeable in overalls. Sounds like the best description of your current state.

    You and the Jim are lucky bastards.

    nardac | 4:10 pm

  15. I’m jealous!!! My Mr. Frog of 5 yrs dumped me spectularly when I was pregnant with our boy tadpole who will be turning 2 in a few months.
    Since then the men in my life have tended to be 1) gay or 2) aged 2 and under.

    Good on you. A very special time to be savoured!

    Venetian Blond | 5:10 pm

  16. Petite in love…A beautiful destiny awaits!

    As for what to call The Lover, how about simply GL,
    as in (my) Great Love?

    Belle

    Belle | 5:12 pm

  17. Oohhh. That is so sweet. :)

    theinsider | 5:57 pm

  18. fworrrrr…

    JonnyB | 6:02 pm

  19. Ahhh Petite, you’ve made me yearn for the heady delights of a new love. I even have sympathy butterflies in my tummy!

    Or perhaps that’s pangs of guilt at considering such a thing when I have a wonderful wife/partner/Lover/concubine(!)/friend at home.

    Canuski | 6:44 pm

  20. It’s beautiful.

    Familiar, and beautiful, and lovely.

    I don’t have anything more useful to add.

    Just rah.

    Rah, rah, rah.

    anna | 10:09 pm

  21. Beautiful Post. As someone still mourning the demise of a long term relationship and coping with the fact that my ex has moved on, it gives me hope that I too can be that happy again. Thanks

    Ellie | 10:11 pm

  22. Wow! I absolutely love how you write. Its amazing. “The sky is the disappointing grey of a favourite t-shirt which has been accidentally washed with something black”. Its like reading poetry, only a lot more interesting.

    Falling in love is one of the best feelings. Enjoy every minute of it. I wish you and Lover the very best.

    Trista | 11:50 pm

  23. In a world where love has been heavily discounted and romance consigned to books and formulaic TV and movies, it’s touching to see that you have found the right name for him. BF will never do!

    W. S. Cross | 1:39 am

  24. I was starting to enjoy this blog. Until it got too personal. Getting carried away is one thing, and what you’re living sounds great, but keeping your eyes shut along the way is another. And, for goodness’ sake, don’t give up your name!

    Boris (yes, a bloke. Married. Not gay). | 1:55 am

  25. “Or taking his hand and pressing it firmly to my belly.” another Tadpole coming soon ??

    Miss Pink | 2:50 am

  26. What is the collective noun for tadpoles???

    Sarah | 3:04 am

  27. Poignant and touching. Thank you for such an enjoyable read.

    Medina | 4:18 am

  28. Please, please do tell…….are you preggers? Do we have tadpole deux? I think it sounds wonderful!

    Laura | 4:37 am

  29. My, I didn’t expect to be taken quite so literally!

    Tadpole #2 is, as yet, a figment of my imagination. I don’t even plan to leave Paris for another year, so this is all in the distant, but very welcoming, future…

    petite | 8:03 am

  30. number two wouldn’t be a tadpole, n’est-ce pas?
    happy daydreaming, petite!

    charlotte | 9:30 am

  31. quite

    petite | 9:35 am

  32. *sigh* What a wonderful, romantic post. This is the way love should be.

    christina | 10:08 am

  33. Am I correct in believing congratulations are in order, or did I misunderstand your profile?

    pww | 10:20 am

  34. er, I’m not engaged either (don’t believe in it) so unless you can congratulate two people on having firm intentions, I’m not entirely sure…

    petite | 10:27 am

  35. It’s great how when you start a relationship later in life you cut out all the bullshit and just get on with it. You can be honest about your intentions from day one. You can know that you’re both looking in the same direction.

    Enjoy

    anxious | 12:38 pm

  36. Didn’t mean to come across quite as cynically as I did, Petite.

    It really does sound like you’ve met your soul mate.

    But I DO think women often tend to get a bit ahead of themselves (I definitely include myself in this category)then they get hurt later on down the line……

    stressqueen | 1:05 pm

  37. Well, they do say that a man who has swept you off your feet is in a perfect position to drop you on your ass. But that’s not the case this time. I have a good feeling about this one. True soul mates, these two…

    P.S. Having British parents, #2 would be more appropriately referred to as “veau”, non?

    Francaise de Coeur | 1:18 pm

  38. YOU HAD ME AT LONG LASHES!!! *sighhhhhhhhhhh*….

    la.dauphine | 1:19 am

  39. What lovely images you create.

    I’d be jealous, if I wasn’t so happy myself.

    Congratulations.

    Anna | 4:04 am

  40. So we seem at last to have found a nickname for Jim. It is, of course, Future Husband. Why didn’t anyone else suggest this before now? :-)

    suziboo | 1:26 pm

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