censored: updated by petite anglaise

censored: updated

09.09.2005 2:27 pmmisc

Censorship is a terrible thing. Especially when it is self inflicted.

The subject which is preying on my mind, to the exclusion of all else, is the fraught atmosphere at work. However, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to exercise caution about what I say.

If I won’t allow myself to write about work, then I find myself rather lost for words. Which is why I have been a little quieter this week.

But, in honour of my birthday, how about a quiz?

Which of the following statements are not true ?

a) I can speak some German, especially if you want to hold a conversation about bowel movements;
b) I have read every “Nancy Drew” detective story ever written;
c) The worst punishment I can remember as a child was not being allowed to watch “The Famous Five” on TV;
d) I own a signed Then Jericho album;
e) I hate aniseed and liquorice. And sprouts;
f) The only time I ever felt the slightest inclination to watch porn was when I was pregnant;
g) My favourite teddy bear as a child was a Peter Rabbit, made by my great grandma’s next door neighbour;
h) The sampler I made at school when I was 9 featured a BBC micro computer in cross stitch;
i) My porn star name is Pixie Eden;
j) The only time I ever trod the boards was as a Penguin in a school play at Clipstone Brook Lower School, Leighton Buzzard;
k) My favourite boss to date was a one-armed racing driver.

answers

e) is incorrect. I do hate aniseed and liquorice, however I like (brussels) sprouts.

Clarification: porn star name. This does not mean that I have a second career as an “actress”. Of the many methods used for calculating your “porn star name”, I have used the formula first pet’s name + mother’s maiden name here. Surfing on the web, I found name generators, along with a delightful quiz in which you are asked to guess which of a list of names belongs to a porn star, and which to a My Little Pony. Surprisingly difficult.

54 comments

I think they’re all true. Except possibly the last one - a one-armed racing driver? Was he French…?

Dafyd | 2:41 pm
Happy Birthday, I’ve no idea but really hoping it is (a)

Universal Soldier | 2:47 pm
(f) and (i). You hate porn?

oh, and (a) because that’s just stupid.

Germain | 3:07 pm
Many many happy returns to my most favourite Petite in the whole wide world! Have a wonderful weekend and here’s to a joyful, loving, sexy and stable year ahead! I love you birthday girl! xxx

Prawn Cocktail Crisps | 3:08 pm
Happy Birthday Petite!!

I thought you might enjoy this website as a nice birthday treat!

http://www.clickandcreatecollection.com

Enjoy!

Kirsty | 3:21 pm
Very happy b-day wishes to you! I can’t comment on the quiz, as I have not been reading your blog long enough.

As for the self-censorship, did someone rat you out at work, or some such other thing?

Dave of the Lake | 3:22 pm
they’re ALL true !!

mélanie | 3:25 pm
Dave,no, but I’m just concerned that in my current situation I can’t afford to give anyone any ammunition… Just in case.

petite | 3:29 pm
Happy Birthday etc.

I love Sprouts.

Greavsie | 3:31 pm
Has to be this one:

h) The sampler I made at school when I was 9 featured a BBC micro computer in cross stitch.

P in France | 3:32 pm
f, h and i are not true

pww | 3:43 pm
Joyeux anniversaire et beaucoup de bonheur(s) !
j? I have this sneaking suspicion you’ve done more acting than that.

Anne | 4:03 pm
Happy Birthday Petite! I’m assuming since you posted today, you’re not enjoying your three-day weekend. I’m sorry about that. I hope you don’t accidentally catch cold this weekend and have to miss Monday. That would be a shame.

I think they’re all true. Women can assemble the strangest collection of personal facts, particularly the well-traveled ones.

Leslie | 4:14 pm
Oh my god, I used to know a one-armed racing driver in a previous job, and he was a great boss. This was in London, but he spent a lot of time in Paris…

Anonyme | 4:49 pm
Oh, and happy birthday!

Anonyme | 4:53 pm
So there you are! Happy Birthday.
What’s all this Eden Pixie tosh?

Parkin Pig | 5:04 pm
Happy Birthday! Hope you get everything—and everyone ;)—you wish for.

I’m going with h and j being untrue.

theinsider | 5:14 pm
Happy Birthday!

I’m guessing (e) isn’t true. How could anyone not like liquorice? (by the way British liquorice tastes different from French liquorice. I don’t like the British one so much, I guess I’m used to the French one)
The other statements seem too strange to be made up.

I used to have a completely public blog and I moved to one where I could lock some entries if I needed to. Most of it is still public, but if I need to rant about work without risking being fired, it’s possible. It excludes a lot of people who just like to read without registering at the site though…

Amélie | 5:21 pm
I dont know you personnally so i couldnt say but i think its possible that they’re all true.
A Messy merry birthday to you, ptite rosbif.

nanakilouche | 6:04 pm
Bonne Anniversaire, Petite!! and many,many more…

caroline | 6:05 pm
ooo, happy birthday!!
I have not been reading long enough to know which ones are true, though, sorry.

maria | 6:07 pm
Happy birthday - and don’t get dooced!

R J Keefe | 6:09 pm
Happy birthday!

I’m going to go with b being untrue. There are just too many to keep up with.

Jugglernaut | 6:10 pm
This was the day that you wanted off and were told no, no wonder you have things to say but can’t. I made a no work rule when I started my blog. Sometimes feels wierd but I think i did it for a good reason. Have a great weekend anyway.

Anne | 6:58 pm
Happy birthday! Not only do you share a birthday with my favourite aunt, but as she’s 45 today you are the also same “chinese astrology-ly”. No wonder I like your blog so much.

I think it’s D.

Hannah | 7:04 pm
EasyJetSetter doesn’t like licorice or anise either. When we were in Greece, she made me drink all of the ouzo that was pressed upon us by the locals, getting my rather toasted several nights. Is it a requirement of Brits living in France? Or are you two just strange?

Leslie | 7:12 pm
Petite wrote:

“Dave,no, but I’m just concerned that in my current situation I can’t afford to give anyone any ammunition… Just in case.”

Ah, I see. Probably a wise thing, playing it close to the vest. As for sprouts, do you mean Brussel, or bean? Brussel sprouts I hate, bean sprouts are great on salads………

Dave of the Lake | 9:15 pm
de-lurking to post my abhorrence of licorice
don’t think it is too strange…

Alyce | 9:47 pm
Petite - I can quite understand your problem. Work provides a lot of material for me to blog about, but after my little *ahem* “security breach”, I don’t share much beyond the “generic”

Oh, and welcome to the 33 year old club! I see you’ve already added another “thing” to your 32 “things”!

anxious | 9:48 pm
Happy birthday Petite Anglaise.
Self-censored or not, it is always a pleasure to read your blog.

StraightfromtheCask | 11:26 pm
Bon anniversaire et surtout que tu ne cesses d’avoir envie de nous divertir avec ton blog formidable!!

Bisous…

Kiora | 1:07 am
great post. Just passing through, cool blog by the way.

HumanityCritic | 1:32 am
Happy Birthday to You! Happy Birthday to You! Happy Birthday Dear Petite, Happy Birthday to You!
Even if work won’t let you celebrate the way you want, just wanted to let you know that we celebrate the wonderful site you have and send you many kind wishes on your birthday!

Filmgal30 | 3:19 am
what about h,i,k?

GPV | 12:21 pm
My guess is that NOT ONE of them is true - you are just having us on!
Enjoy what’s left of your birthday when you leave work and make up for it at the weekend.
Have fun and lots of it!!!!

Sandy Bootman | 2:33 pm
b) is not true as you have not read the secret one that I have written where I rescue her from big danger and all her clothes fall off.

JonnyB | 3:02 pm
oh and happy birthday

JonnyB | 3:04 pm
Petite, do you mean to tell me that The Famous Five was a TV show in England? I read all those books when I was a child. The Secret Seven, too. (I read most of, but not all of, the Nancy Drew books, too, but The Famous Five was much more exotic, what with its foreign setting and all.) A TV show! I must find out whether it’s available on DVD anywhere…

Postmodern Sass | 8:46 pm
I would think it’s a sign of success when you’re job is threatened by your blog! I guess it’s a right of passage for the Blogger All Stars.

la.dauphine | 11:43 pm
happy birthday! i think h and j are untrue. and i think tadpole is adorable!

jan | 6:02 am
The one-armed racing driver is so absurd, it has to be true. But I don’t know about the rest. Happy birthday anyway.

udge | 11:09 am
Well, i know A is true, and really hope H is true, as I have one of those I made at around the same age. But other than that, not a clue. I mean, who would bother to make up the Then Jerico thing? That must be true.
I give up.

Happy Birthday for a few days ago…

anna | 11:10 am
Well I think they are all true. Unless you’re trying to fool us with your penguin when in fact you were a monkey.

Hope you had a great birthday weekend.

Susan in Rennes | 12:27 pm
Happy Birthday Petite!

Lauren | 1:06 pm
happy birthday - just avoid touching nails for the coming year

zed | 4:17 pm
Happy B-Day Pixie, oups sorry Petite !

schuey | 11:05 pm
Well obviously, you can’t be a porn star and hate porn, so one of these has toi be wrong… I’d vote for Pixie.

Happy B-day…

Miss Pink | 2:48 am
Happy Birthday Petite… the work thing is tricky… I took down a load of prime material for, it sounds like, similar reasons to yours… it broke my heart but was probably for the best.

If just one of them is untrue then I am saying ‘g’. Most of the other ones are too bizarre to be made up, even by you.

jonathan | 10:57 am
Oh! it was ‘e’. I nearly said ‘e’! Mind you I nearly said most of them. That’s a lovely piece of cross-stitching by the way.

jonathan | 11:00 am
Happy birthday !

nathan | 3:31 pm
Petite–

I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, and I hope everything ends up okay at work. Safe is better than sorry in my experience…I am american living in paris and I have a non-anonymous blog (I didn’t put the URL because I am changing it soon), though my last name is nowhere to be seen and you cannot search for it unless you know what’s in it already. Nonetheless, I was very shaken and upset by something that happened in the last couple of weeks. I was recently staying at my boyfriend’s family’s house in the south of France, and wrote about some of it on my blog, which is mostly read by expats I know in Paris, my family, and close friends back home. After I left, however, his cousin found it on the history page and because of shaky but functional english completely misinterpreted a sentence I wrote. I found out from another member of the family that said cousin now thinks I had a horrible time in the south and think they are all “paysans”. When I found out specifically what sentence it was, I couldn’t help but laughing out loud: I describe how wonderful the days are there and then say ironically how difficult life is. My sarcasm is so explicit that a native speaker would never misread it.

Sorry to post such a long comment, but I wanted to share it because that one misreading caused an agonizing night for my boyfriend and myself, and has shaken up our once peaceful relationship. He says I should write to them and explain how much I enjoyed my time with them; I tend to think that may be the diplomatic route but je m’en fous, it’s my blog and it isn’t my fault they misread it. Nonetheless, I don’t want to risk it again so I will be changing my URL and “quarantining” most of my old blog for a while.

Good luck at work, and happy birthday.

Cecile | 3:21 pm
Cecile -
I am having a similar problem. I have LOTS of things to say about my mother-in-law, for example (who doesn’t speak a lick of English) but have decided that it’s best not to…

Those other family members who have the “shaky but functional” English (like your boyfriend’s cousin) are quite likely to get back to her with a mis-representation of something I have written. Or, hell, a true representation.

Whatever. I’ve decided that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life dodging my own mother-in-law (who does, by the way, supply the apartment we stay in in Collioure….), so I s’pose I will keep it light. Sucks, though.

Francaise de Coeur | 4:07 pm
Francaise de Coeur,

Thanks for the empathy, I am sure it is hard to not be able to write about your belle-mere just as it is for petite not to write about her thoughts about work. Especially when the blog forum might be one of the few outlets for those thoughts…

I would like to talk about what happened on my blog as well, though of course I cannot unless I start a new one. Now, I feel like I have to take care with each sentence because something as innoncent as “I’m half in love with our baker” (who is a rotund but sweet 65 year-old, though I would forget to add this) could come back to my boyfriend as “Cecile is cheating on you.” I have enough confidence that I know he wouldn’t buy it, but as you said, I don’t want to have to avoid his family (to whom he is close) forever.

So, I’ve expressed some of it here, which is unfair to petite and I’m sorry for taking up your space, but I hope it’s still relevant to the post.

Cecile | 3:16 pm
Is it your birthday again!? Me too (well in March, anyway).

MR

MATTHEW ROSE | 9:16 pm